To my daughters... the game of LOVE!

It takes a spark.  Some electricity between a boy and girl.  Without this- well it's just not to be.  Sorry girls- chasing a man down just doesn't work.  This will cause you some disappointment in the short term but in the long term you will be rewarded.  So here are my thoughts, dear girls, on finding love.

Buyer Beware.  What do you know about this man?  What is his reputation?  This will take some time if he's not from your hometown.  So settle in and enjoy the game of cat and mouse.  It will take at least a year of dating to discover if he is really a good, honorable man.

Don't chase him or make him love you.  He either is attracted to you or not.  Women do all kinds of things to hook the man THEY want.  Hooks include (but are not limited to): damsel in distress, premarital sex, pregnancies, making him feel guilty.  Please just don't do any of these things.  It always, always ends badly.  The guy feels trapped and ultimately leaves.  Do you really want to find yourself married to a man that doesn't want you?

You do need to flirt.  Think of this as a test balloon.  You float the idea (in some subtle way) of being together and see if he is interested.  If not... well move on.  Note that there is a big difference between encouraging a man you are interested in and chasing a man you are interested in.  This is a delicate dance.

Fix up.  Be attractive in a simple way. You will attract what you project with your appearance.  If you look sleazy you attract sleazy men.  If you look neat and stylish you will attract a neat, stylish man.   Be the best you can be but don't try to be something you are not.  Easy on the make-up and keep a healthy, realistic weight.

Hang out where the good guys are.  Bad places attract bad men.  Church is a good place to start.  No men there?  Try a different church.

This is all terribly old fashioned, I know.  Those women with a more "Liberated" viewpoint will tell you that I am dead wrong but the basic nature of men has not changed and can't be changed by women's lib.  A good man wants to win the prize :YOU.  This is NOT the same as being conquered. Conquered implies domination: a winner and a loser.  This is not love.  Love is a prize that is awarded at the end of a long race.  This is what you want.

When you find that mutual spark nurture the relationship so the spark can grow into an ember and ultimately burst into flame at the marriage altar. Time together doing fun things and making memories will create sweet memories of your courtship.  Take your time.  Love will find you.

Run to Jesus

At church today we were plodding up the aisle as usual to  receive our bread and wine during communion.   Adults are served on the floor level.   Children are invited to go a few steps to the communion table to receive their grape juice and bread or a blessing.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a young girl sprint up to the communion table to receive her grape juice and bread.  She skipped away after receiving the elements.  Soon a young boy also ran up to receive a blessing. While at first glance- it seemed -well- close to not reverent enough- I thought :"Wow they went up there with true joy, anxious to receive what Christ has done for them".    Good lesson for this old grown-up.  We all need to Run to Jesus!

School shooters.

Just what is going on here? Yet another school shooting.  This is sad commentary on our current culture.  After giving this considerable thought I think I might have some insights as to just what is the deeper problem.

1.  We as a country have lost our moral compass.  There are ten rules (commandments).  We as a country need to all get on the same page and decide that the ten rules make for a well functioning, orderly society.  These rules need to be actively taught in the family.  Our children need to be held accountable.

2.  Low self esteem.  The evidence of this is everywhere: 
Americans are very overweight  It's tough to look in the mirror at yourself when you are really out of shape and feel good about what you see.
Facebook posts:  Selfies.  So proud... and so on.
The notorious 10 seconds of fame for the school shooter. 

Americans must not feel good about themselves or we wouldn't need so much "look at me" type of attention.  Where has the virtue of humility gone?  People need encouragement (this is a good thing) however false "pats on the back" hurt more than they help. 

3.  Lack of real accomplishments.  Self esteem is built brick by brick by overcoming fears, adversity, difficulties and being successful!  You are most proud of yourself when you got the A in that math class that you thought was going to take you down.  Of course everyone is good at different things but we all need something tangible to point to and say "I did that"!  The pioneers had less problems with this.  They could all stand back and say I built that log cabin or I dried that fruit and we survived.  Even children were a part of helping.  They would catch fish, carry water or help with the garden. 
Children and adults all need to produce something.  It could be a simple drawing by a young child, a freshly baked batch of cookies by a teen, or paycheck earned by a parent at the factory to help the family.  At the end of the day we all need a "I did that".

Your thoughts my friend?  What do you think would help us get on track?

Wise parenting advice ... from an unexpected source.

This piece is from Agatha Christies' autobiography here she is describing her own childhood rearing.  Agatha was raised in a privileged family although not an extremely wealthy one.   Agatha was not considered by her family to be overly talented.  Sixty-eight novels, over 100 short stories, 17 plays later... she is a wise and talented woman... read on...

" On the whole I think the snobbery of my childhood, the snobbery of birth, that is, is more palatable than the other snobberies: the snobbery of wealth, and today's intellectual snobbery.
  Intellectual snobbery seems today to breed a particular form of envy and venom.  Parents are determined that their offspring shall shine.  "We've made great sacrifices for you to have a good education," they say.  The child is burdened with guilt if he does not fulfill their hopes.  Everyone is so sure that it is all a matter of opportunity-not of natural aptitude.
  I think late Victorian parents were more realistic and had really more consideration for their children and for what would make a happy and successful life for them.  There was much less keeping up with the Joneses.  Nowadays I often feel that it is for one's own prestige that one wants one's children to succeed.  The Victorians looked dispassionately at their offspring and made up their minds about their capacities.  A. was obviously going to be "the pretty one."  B. was "the clever one." C. was going to plain and was definitely not intellectual.  Good works would be C.'s best chance.  And so on.  Sometimes of course, they were wrong, but on the whole it worked.  There is an enormous relief in not being expected to produce something that you haven't got.
  The general standpoint in my young days had a certain humility.  You accepted what you were.  You had assets and you had liabilities.  Like a hand at cards, having been dealt it, you sorted your cards and decided how best to play them.  There was, I am almost sure, less envy and resentment of those more gifted of better off.  If some young friends had expensive or exciting toys one did not expect or demand to have them oneself.  I might say to my mother, "Freda has a wonderful doll's house. I wish I had one like that," and my mother would reply placidly, "yes, it's nice for Freda.  Of course her parents are much richer than we are."  Nowadays it seems to be "Marylyn has got a bicycle, why can't I have one?"  as though it were one's right."

What are you leaving behind?

I loved to water ski when I was a young woman.  It took me a long, long time to learn how to get up.  I must of had a million wipe outs before I finally took off with the wind in my face.  I eventually learned to sloam (ski with one ski).  Then I really thought I was "hot stuff".  One of the many things you have to learn when you ski is how to jump the wake.  The wake is the wave pattern the boat leaves behind.  Jumping over this is a trick in itself.  Yes.  I finally learned how to do that too. 

Now on to the life lesson:
Looking the  rear view mirror of life  we need to check to see what we are leaving in the wake.  I know one individual that left a wake of destroyed relationships.  They never stopped to look in the rear view mirror and check to see what they were leaving behind.  Years later the broken relationships remain broken.  The family involved stays disconnected and while some family members would enjoy a relationship with the extended family it will never happen.  People are afraid to get in touch because so much negative stuff was left in the wake of this person's life.  So again,  I pause.  What am I leaving behind?  Maybe it is not a coincidence that the family gathering after the death of a loved one is called a wake.  I know that I am going to be checking the rear view mirror.  I want to leave the world a better place and not a wake of destruction.

Wise work.

If you have a job you love you'll never work a day in your life.

What makes us special.

Quote from Sir Den Robinson speaking to Disney president Anne Sweeney:
"...companies need people who can think differently and adapt and be creative.  A company like Disney in fact all companies-depends on this great multiplicity of talents.  The continuum, as I see it, starts with imagination.  It's the most extraordinary set of powers that we take for granted: the ability to bring into mind the things that aren't present.  It's why we are so different from the rest of life on earth.  That's why we're sitting in a beautiful building, drinking from these cups.  Because human beings make things.  We create things..."
-Fast Company  page 80
September 2013