Good, Gracious, and Grateful

I love these three ideals:

As defined by The American Heritage Dictionary (1976)

Good adj. -1. having positive or desirable qualities. 2. Not spoiled or ruined. 3.Superior to the average. 4. Of high quality. 5. Attractive 6. Beneficial. 7. Valid or true. 8. Pleasant; Enjoyable 9. Favorable 10. Of moral excellence; upright 11.Benevolent;kind 12.Valuable 13. Loyal 14. Well-behaved; obedient. (from the Middle English- god)

Gracious adj.- 1. Characterized by kindness and warm courtesy.  2. Characterized by tact and propriety.  3. Of a merciful or compassionate nature. 4. Characterized by charm or beauty. 5. Characteried by elegance and good taste. 5. Fortunate or prosperous.  (from Latin, agreeable, or good will)

Grateful adj.-1. Appreciative of benefits received; thankful. (from Latin- pleasing)

What are your ideas on promoting these in your family?

Good fences make good neighbors.

The first time I heard this little proverb was at the Menno-Hof Museum in Shipshewana, Indiana.  I was puzzled by its meaning and left the museum with only a vague idea as to the point that was being made by the Amish community.  Many years have gone by... now I get it!  I think my discussion here will be in a different context; however let me explain.

This proverb is from a poem written by Robert Frost in 1914.  The poem describes two neighbors that are rebuilding a stone wall that runs between their properties.  They are working side by side on opposite sides of the stone fence.  A discussion ensues between the neighbors about the need for a fence and the conclusion is drawn that "good fences make good neighbors".
The original poem deals with property boundaries.  

Interpersonal relationships also need boundaries.  These invisible understandings between people keep people in their proper place in relationships.  Most people conflicts arise when boundaries either don't exist or are intruded on.     I am going to explain this delicate balance with some examples.

Criticism
This is often in the form of constant verbal criticism of another family member. The person on the receiving end feels like a worm and the person dishing out the criticism feels that they are dominate.
This can also happen between "friends".  Nasty remarks, mean Face Book posts or text messages that jab anothers feelings are all part of this game.  If you are on the receiving end of the criticism you need to lay down a firm boundary.
Here are somethings that you can do:
Get up and walk away (while they are mid-sentence)
Tell the criticizer that they are being hurtful and you won't listen to their abuse anymore.
Point out "that was mean" or " your rude and your wrong".
With a boundary laid down your verbal abuser will likely back off.
Do not confuse constant unproductive criticism with loving correction.   Listen to correction.  Set a boundary on verbal abuse.

Money
Generous family members often get taken advantage of by those they love.  You should never ask family members for money or loans unless you are in catastrophic circumstances.  Children should be taught that your wallet is NOT their wallet.  If you find yourself being asked for money by family members your most powerful boundary is the word "NO".  Don't feel guilty about refusing money- they shouldn't be asking in the first place.  "Get a job" is also an important thought for those that sponge off family and friends.
Family members should not be helping balance checkbooks... that's what personal bankers are for.  Older family members need to be careful who they trust with their finances. 

Keys and access to your home.
Grandchildren, "friends", neighbors.  You love them but that doesn't mean they should have free run of your place.  Sometimes a grandchild ends up with a bad friend that you wouldn't want to have in your home.
Again just say "NO".

How do you set interpersonal boundaries?

Age of Chivalry

We saw this wonderful circus wagon at The Circus World Museum at Baraboo, Wisconsin. After doing a little research on the "Age of Chivalry," I discovered that Thomas Bulfinch had written a book called the Age of Fable: Vol. III The Age of Chivalry. The book was published in 1913 and describes the adventures of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. Bulfinch defines Chivalry as follows: "...Chivalry, which framed an ideal of the heroic character, combining invincible strength and valor, justice, modesty, loyalty to superiors, courtesy to equals, compassion to weakness, and devotedness to the Church; an ideal which, if never met with in real life, was acknowledged by all as the highest model for emulation."

Wow! Wouldn't teaching our children these values make our world a better place?

How do you encourage Chivalry?