Loving on your disabled loved one.

Grandma had a disabling stroke a couple of years ago.  She now lives in a skilled care facility.  She is in very bad shape and spends her days sitting in a wheelchair and requires full care.  Poor Grandma!  Grandma can't fed herself or carry on a conversation.  She sees poorly, often is stuck in repeating a nonsensical phase for months at a time.  So what's a family to do?  Here are some things that we have learned through trial and error. 

Visit as often as possible.  Short and sweet is fine.  Spend more time if you can.

Talk about past happy times.  Tell your loved one about current happy times.  Mention family names.  You may get a word or two.  Capitalize on that and tell them more about that person.

Tell sad news on a relevant, as needed basis.  They may need to know that a loved one has died.  However they do not need to be burdened with the troubles of world events or the messy details of a divorce.  If a regular visitor hasn't been there for awhile do tell them that so and so has not visited because they are sick.  I think Grandma is thinking and perhaps worrying about her family.

Listen to music together.  Notice your loved ones' response... choose calming, soothing tones.

Enlarge photos to 8x10.  Photos of the kids when they were with Grandma in her younger days may connect with the part of Grandma's life that is still with her.  Past events generally stick in a stroke patients mind current events often do not. Talk about all the fun you had at the event in the photo.  You may be rewarded with a smile of recognition.

Read the Bible to your loved one.  Short encouraging passages will be good for both of you.  Your family member may be thinking about their spiritual life.

Read poetry or short, simple, and happy stories to your family member.

Have a card shower.  Send an e-mail out to family and friends to send Grandma a card with cheerful note or photo.  Read the mail to your loved one... more than once.

Go for lunch.  Patiently feed your loved one.  Plan on spending some time doing this.  Take this opportunity to chat with the staff at the table about your loved one.  Tell them that your loved one is a big sports fan, what type of job they did, hobbies,  pets, children or anything else that will make your loved one a real person to the staff.  Remember the staff probably knows nothing about your family member.  This will help the staff talk to your patient and also make the patient more than just someone to be cared for.

Take a treat.  Check with the nurses before you offer this to your loved one.    Grandma is not diabetic so she can have a milkshake.  However, thickner is added to that she will not choke as the ice cream melts into liquid form.   The staff should be happy to help you with getting this correct.  Grandma loves this part of our visit.

Give Grandma a kiss and hug.  Tell her you love her and appreciate all she did for you.

Take a box of chocolates to the staff.  Show appreciation for their efforts on behalf of your loved one. 

Be your loved ones advocate.  Be respectful and specific if you see any problems.  Go to the adminstrator of the facility if necessary.  Follow through until you are satified with your loved one's care.  Pick and choose your battles but your loved one deserves to be treated right.

Talk to the staff.  A good staff will be working on your loved ones issues.  After months and months of listening to Grandma tell us that there was " a bear-flier in her hair" one of the staff members goggled the phrase "bear-flier".  To our amazement she found that a "bear-flier" was a type of fishing lure.  With that little piece of information I asked Grandma if she had ever had a "bear-flier"  stuck in her hair while fishing with her husband.  She nodded her head "yes" and looked enormously relieved.  I asked her if she had gone to the hospital to have it removed and again she nodded her head "yes".  She finally got through to all of us!  Kudos to the staff member for solving the mystery. 
None of the family knew this story but Grandma wanted us to know.  It was a great relief to all of us.  She is still talking about the "bear flier" but at least we know what that's about now. 

Grandma I love you!

Please share your ideas on ministering to your elderly loved ones.

Every Child Is Created Special...e-mail by Sarah Palin

Quoted from National Right to Life News June/ July 2011.
"It was initially written, obviously not for publication, in April of 2008 just a few day before the arrival of her fifth child, Trig, who was born with Down's syndrome. In her email Palin imagines a letter from God to the family about to launch on its challenging child-rearing experience together...
Andrew Malcolm, New York Times

E-mail by Sarah Palin (abridged):
To the Sisters, Brother, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends of Trig Palin...,
I am blessing you with this surprise baby because I only want the best for you. I've heard yours prayers that this baby will be happy and healthy, and I've answered them because I only want the best for you!...

Then, I put the idea in your hearts that his name should be "Trig" because it's so fitting with two Norse meanings: "True" and "Brave Victory". You also have a Bristol Bay relative with that name, so I knew it would be best for you!

Then, I let Trig's mom have an exceptionally comfortable pregnancy so she could enjoy every minute of it, and I even seemed to rush it along so she could wait until near the end to surprise you with the news-that way Piper wouldn't have so long to wait and count down so many days-just like Christmastime when you have to wait, impatiently, for that special day to finally open your gift?...At first the news seemed unreal and sad and confusing. But I gave Trig's mom and dad lots of time to think about it because they needed lots of time to understand that everything will be OK, in fact, everything will be great, because I only want the best for you!...

Then, finally, I let Trig's mom and Dad find out before he was born that this little boy will truly be a GIFT. They were told in early tests that Trig may provide more challenges, and more joy, than what they ever may have imagined or ever asked for. At first the news seemed unreal and sad and confusing. But I gave Trig's mom and dad lots of time to think about it because they needed lots of time to understand that everything will be OK, in fact, everything will be great, because I only want the best for you!

I've given Trig's mom and dad peace and joy as they wait to meet their new son. I gave them a happy anticipation because they asked me for that. I'll give all of you the same happy anticipation and strength to deal with Trig's challenges, but I won't impose on you... I just need to know you want to receive my offer to be with all of you and help you everyday to make Trig's life a great one.

This new person in your life can help everyone put things in perspective and bind us together and get everyone focused on what really matters. The baby will expand your world and let you see and feel things you haven't experienced yet. He'll show you what "true, brave victory" really means as those who love him will think less about self and focus less on what the world tells you is "normal" or "perfect". You will grow and be blessed with greater understanding that will be born along with Trig.

Trig will be his dad's little buddy and he'll wear Carharts while he learns to tinker in the garage. He'll love to be read to, he'll want to play goalie, and he'll steal his mom's heart just like Track, Bristol, Willow and Piper did...

Every child is created special, with awesome purpose and amazing potential. Children are the most precious and promising ingredient in this mixed up world you live in down there on earth. Trig is no different, except he has one extra chromosome. Doctors call it "Down's Syndrome", and Downs kids have challenges, but can bring you much delight and more love than you can ever imagine! Just wait and see, let me prove this, because I only want the best for you!

Some of the rest of the world may not want him, but take comfort in that because the world will not compete for him. Take care of him and he will always be yours!

Trig's mom and dad don't want people to focus on the baby's extra chromosome. They're human, so they haven't known how to explain this to people who are so caring and are interested in this new little Alaskan. Sarah and Todd want people to share in the joy of this gift I'm giving to the Palin family, and the greater Alaska family. Many people won't understand... and I understand that. Some will think Trig should not be allowed to be born because they fear a Downs child won't be considered "perfect" in your world. (But tell me, what do you earthings consider "perfect" or even "normal" in any way?...Have you noticed I make 'em all shapes and sizes? Believe me, there is no "perfect"!)

Many people will express sympathy, but you don't want or need that, because Trig will be a joy. You will have to trust me on this.

I know it will take time to grasp this and come to accept that I only want the best for you, and I only give my best. Remember though:"My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts...for as the heavens are higher than the earth, my ways are hgiher than yours!"

I wrote that all down for you in the Good Book! Look it up! You claim that you believe me-now it's time to leave out that belief!

Please look to me as this new challenge and chaper of life unfolds in front of you. I promise to equip you. I won't give you anything you can't handle. I am answering your prayers. Trig can't wait to meeet you. I'm giving you ONLY THE BEST!

Love,
Trig's Creator, Your Heavely Father